So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize