im drinking this country out of the recession.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
