whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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