I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
