the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
