Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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