I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
