That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
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HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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