i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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