It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
