speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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