brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
