I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
