Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
