She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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