if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
