i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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