Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
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There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
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Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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