i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
