Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
