??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
My balls are so social today.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
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He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
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I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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