Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
