We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
