why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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