dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Two words: blizzard sex
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
