bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
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It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
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Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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