we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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