I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
