Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
