thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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