Can i not drive my cunt home
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
