I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
