I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
