Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Randomize
