Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
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