I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize