i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
