You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
