Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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