I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
