I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I look better un-naked...
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
