I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
