don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
