He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
