Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Is it because I queefed?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Randomize
