Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
