How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
