whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
