Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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