You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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