when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
