Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
i think im in europe. pls send help
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
