just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
