and you said cock pushups were impossible
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
