No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
