I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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