...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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