I just cut my nipple shaving
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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