My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
