Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
