dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
