i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
