also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Randomize
