so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
