remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
