the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
