I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
