it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
We had to coat check the pizza.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
