turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
