He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
