i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
