who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
