I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
my shit smells like andre
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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