well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
