So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
