im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
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