I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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