i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
