i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
