she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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